It’s still hard to believe that I’m unemployed this summer. I didn’t realize how much I’d been holding on to the belief that all I had to do to succeed was score well in school, get a degree, find a job in the field I wanted and get great reviews at work. Fat chance!

Instead I landed in a job that I LOVE which suddenly didn’t fund my ability to continue schooling, didn’t give raises despite my great reviews and yet still had my complete devotion. I became ill after learning how likely it was that we’d all lose our jobs. When we did lose our jobs, and a contractor came in to hire as many of us as possible for slightly more than half our salaries, I still stayed. I had to start looking for resources to help support me in the community – a fact made all the more humbling by the reality of standing right beside people I work to serve, for the same resources. Yet still I’ve stayed. So now I’m unemployed and I’m supposed to return to work in a little over a month. This is about living, truly living, in the meantime.

I realize that I have a choice. I can sit and worry about the future or I can take a stand to claim as much good as possible for my life and let the rest go. I can stress myself out about money or go about finding other ways to earn more. I can fill my time with people and activities that make me feel vibrant and alive or I can let days pass without investing in life and merely hoping for the best. I can complain about my body or put effort into improving it. I can share my voice here, where I can restrict who reads it, or return to being the girl who holds it in.

I don’t kid myself into thinking that every day will bring easy choices, that I won’t have days that are difficult, nor that I’m superwoman. I used to.
I made myself really sick trying to “save the world” and put everything except myself first in life.
This is my new attempt at living authentically. I’d like it if you’d accompany me on this journey and share your thoughts along the way.